It’s day 10 of my 12 day run streak. Yesterday was fabulous. I did a local Christmas trail. It was freezing, literally the ground was frozen but it was fun. There’s something about seeing a load of folk dressed up in Santa type gear, sweating with trainers on. Personally I went for the elf look.
I really enjoyed putting effort into dressing up. I don’t have any Christmas social stuff so this run was my thing and, to be honest, I’d much rather do that than face town anytime (oh how things have changed from Little Miss Party/Drunk…). I even took the bold step of sharing about the run on my normal Facebook even though my brain was imagining people eye rolling ‘here she goes again’, ‘it’s always running/mental health with her’, ‘as if we care’ ‘yawn’ etc etc. However I did share it and that went fine too.
Yes, yesterday went really well. Fun. Happy.
Today? Yeah not so much. Exhaustion. I set myself some goals for the day: good big walk for the dog, buy some Christmas lights, run my mile.
I was so cold it prohibited me. Sitting in a warm house wearing a thermal long sleeve top, normal long sleeve top, woolly jumper, fleece, gilet, fluffy headband, large scarf, jeans, 2 pairs of socks and clutching a hand warmer, I just could not get warm. Outside the snow was falling and I knew that even getting in the car would make me ice cold for hours. So, I had to give up on my plans. I hated myself for doing this: giving up. Quitting is not allowed. I am a stubborn cow, I do not quit.
But I was tired. So, so tired and maybe this wasn’t quitting? Maybe it was resting? How can I tell the difference? I genuinely don’t know. In my head I was trying to problem solve my way out of it. Perhaps if I rest a bit then I can do a long dog walk tomorrow…and buying the lights can wait…and, maybe if I rest, I can get warm and then do my mile in the gym.
And that’s what I did. Added a hot water bottle and blanket to my arsenal and laid down on the sofa. B took the kids out and eventually the dog stopped trying to snog me and I rested, but I did not quit (I think?).
I did my mile on the treadmill too. I still felt crap after it but I could give myself a tiny gold star for overcoming a huge mental hurdle.
Now, as I write this I’m next to the Christmas tree (which smells pretty good), dog is curled up snoozing next to me. Our legs are sort of intertwined – is that weird? It feels lovely actually. Of course my hot water bottle is firmly attached to me.
I think I’ve rested. I hope that was the right thing to do. I know when I feel super cold to the point of it stopping my activity then that’s a warning sign; you are run down. STOP! Well, not completely. Can’t stop completely or depression will take a secure foothold. God, it is bloody exhausting managing my mental health, but I will not quit.
In saying that, I don’t think I’ve brushed my teeth today. Whoops! I’ll just go and do that now… (or not).