I like having a goal to work towards – like the Great North Run, now that was a goal. But then, what happens after each thing?
Well, the benefit of experience tells me that plummeting into a dark void of emptiness is a likely scenario OR there’s deciding to start a new project that is really far too big for me to complete, and don’t forget BUYING THINGS!!!! Buying things, (especially for whatever new super important project I have started) is a great way to fill the void…and empty our bank account. As I’ve aged I’m much more savvy to this and, I think, I don’t really do it any more. Maybe the husband would disagree, I dunno. Not asking!
Just because I’m old enough to know better doesn’t stop me wanting to do these things. Like crazy want to do it! I delete all emails from shops without opening. I don’t really go to shops so that’s ok. I constantly repeat to myself over and over we don’t need that. Like in Aldi the other day; oooh what’s this? A running book? A running book for £2.99?! That’d be ever so useful…WAIT! Stop. No. We don’t need that. Sigh. I mean £2.99 is hardly going to bankrupt us but it’s the behaviour that needs curbing. Bah! Keep your stupid book Aldi!
When doing the GNR I avoided the crash by signing up to the Yorkshire 10 Miler. Clever! And then it was the Yuletide Trail and then parkrun helped keep me going too but now what? I can’t find anything. I’ve literally spent hours googling. There’s the Bloodaxe Challenge locally. This involves running round a 1km track for 2 hours. Honestly I don’t think it’s for me. Or, there’s the Harewood House 10k but really you’re supposed to raise money for British Heart Foundation and I can’t fundraise right now. Even forgetting that I’m not sure I’m up to the course. So I don’t have anything in until April and it’s driving me mad.
I parkrunned this morning. Was good fun but then it’s all over by 10am and it’s a case of but now what?! And today the answer was nothing, nothing, NOTHING! Miserable chuffing weather and no money. Argggghhhhhhhh! So I ate a lot of food. Did that help? NO! Made me feel worse. I found myself withdrawing into myself, feeling tired and cold. The urge was to go to bed and take myself away from my family and the world in general. I didn’t do that though. Instead I’ve been trying to tackle this low but I’m not sure how. I hoovered. Only took me about 3 hours to work up to that. I lit some candles, they’re kind of nice, I suppose.
BUT NOW WHAT?
I honestly don’t know. Plans for tomorrow? Nothing. Really I need a project or do I? I don’t know. Blog post? Oh that’ll be done too now.