York 10K 2018: Heart, Head, Feet and Dialectics

I want to run a sub60 10K, but I can’t. Well, I can but I also can’t. Tell me, is that a BPD thing? Or, does everyone simultaneously believe 2 polar opposite ideas?

I genuinely believe that I can run a sub60 10k.

I genuinely believe that I cannot run a sub60 10k.

The York 10K last year; 1:04:56 (I think)

It’s not that I keep changing my mind; I believe both things at the same time. It makes me think of that word dialectic, which makes me think of DBT*, which helps me understand it all a bit better.

In DBT we’re taught about rational mind (head), emotional mind (heart) and wise mind (sweet spot with a bit of a both. This is where we wanna be). Applying that to my opposing beliefs makes sense of it:

Rational mind “hey, you are fit enough to run sub60 girl! You can manage the pace required – you’ve done it loads!”

Emotional mind “you just can’t. When you try to run faster you panic, you can’t breathe. Even trying to run faster makes you ill. What if you couldn’t stop the panic? You’d have to withdraw, a total mess. Oh my god how humiliating. In front of everyone! What will the kids think?! Better stick to slower and put some walk breaks in too – just to be sure.”

Wise Mind “ummm I dunno. We could come up with a strategy to try sub60 but, honestly, I’m worried. Those panics are kind of brutal. I don’t know. How about trying for 62 minutes? That’ll still be a push, and it’d be a PB…”

ARGH!!!!!

What will I do?! I don’t know. What can I do?! I don’t know.

What I do know is that I couldn’t sleep last night and this was whirring about my head. Nothing like a bit of overthinking eh?

*DBT is Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, a kind of therapy that is recommended for treating Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD. Dialectics are about holding 2 opposing views and trying to find the truth in the middle. Pretty much the BPD life.

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